affect

by (vanessa)

refers not to emotion, for emotion is intensity already captured and qualified by a sensing body that makes possible the utterance of one’s feelings as “happy” or “sad”. Affect is really more of a force – the sense we get of something acting upon us but which has yet to be assimilated into our subjectivity and to “make sense” to us on the level of the body.

Thought of how Archer tells Ellen in The Age of Innocence, “Each time you happen to me all over again.”

Each time you happen to me all over again = You affect me

You affect me = Romance

Romance =/= Love

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Korra sketch while waiting for class to start.

I guess I’m always going to be terrible at shading until I take some formal drawing classes lolllll shadygirl95

25 hours awake and I still can’t fall asleep. I have Tove Lo’s “Habits” on a loop and I’m thinking about chancing upon my Sec 2 physics teacher last week. Rumour has it he turned to alcohol after losing his family to an accident (?). He would come into class everyday moody and hungover, slur over concepts and look not at the class, but right through us.

It was 6p.m., a dreary weekday evening where you’re flat out exhausted and on your way home from school or work. I was out having dinner and waiting for the sun to set; the sky’s curtain call. He was sitting across with a bottle of Heineken as his sole companion and his eyes met mine in a way that told me my face didn’t ring a bell. Likewise I barely registered his, until I recalled how years ago, A said she had spotted him in this very coffee shop. It was his usual haunt. Six years later and he remains, still one of the many ghosts of this ghost town. I decided against saying hello believing it would be intrusive, but regretted this as soon as I walked away. I assumed he wanted solitude, but now that I think about it, he seemed above all, sad, and maybe even a little lonely, like he could have used some human company.

Defying your subconscious aka becoming conscious of your subconscious aka having nothing better to do while queuing up for the cashier:

At Fair Price I pick up a box of blueberries for $4.95 without really knowing why.

Hence, an investigative stream of consciousness follows:

i) June: A graceful angmoh girl on the MRT casually munching on blueberries and practically breaking the no-food-or-drinks-on-train law, but everyone is so charmed by her beauty that they sit dazed and quiet, watching her eat. She is Veronica Lake reincarnated with her golden hair up in a bun and an orange summer dress revealing sweeping, geometrically faultless collarbones. The women are thinking “that should be me” while the men are thinking “that should be mine” lol

ii) July: At a friend’s house, sitting by the main entrance, sharing a box of frozen blueberries and enjoying the breeze. I agree that they taste like magic.

iii) Today: I read an article on the health benefits of eating blueberries.

I head back to choose a box of strawberries for $2.40 instead, feeling like a rebel without a cause.

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